on Tuesday, September 5, 2017

1) Have you ever raced to a restaurant when church let out to beat the other Baptists and Methodists?

Our religious population attends Mass, usually on Saturday, so that means Sunday is free to go wherever you want! Of course, if you choose a brunch place, you’ll be waiting for hours. That notwithstanding, you can eat to your heart's content because hardly anyone here is a Baptist. Note, however, that the communion of the Saints will cause church to release their folks by noon. More on that later.   

2) Have you ever struggled with eating at the same restaurants in the same small town?

We have so many restaurants from which to expand your pants size. According to NOmenu.com, we have 1,550 restaurants in the city, so you should have no trouble finding something new every Sunday. And as we all know, to eat is to be Baptist and to be Baptist is to eat. I suppose, in this way, Nola is destined to be Baptist. 

3) Have you ever desired to have a citywide communion of the Saints?

Upon entering Nola, you are automatically baptized into the Saints registry. Mass (football) is held every Sunday from about 12:00 pm until 3:00 pm, unless noted otherwise. It’s very easy to align finding a place to eat and communing with other believers. Win or lose, the Saints will celebrate or lament together.

If you find yourself, before ever entering Nola, cheering for that other team in Atlanta, just know we have a place for you at our Atlanta campus. Also, remember these OT commands from Leviticus 11:13-16, “Here are the kinds of birds you must consider disgusting and must not eat. They are eagles, bearded vultures, black vultures, kites, all types of buzzards, all types of crows, ostriches, nighthawks, seagulls, and all types of falcons.”

I think the Falcons also practice Sunday communion, but we consider them sectarian. Moving on.

4) Have you ever wished church members weren’t so passive aggressive?

With love, allow me introduce you to Chalmette. 

Here's what’s great about Chalmations: you’ll always know what they think and never wonder if they’re being passive aggressive.

Here's what’s not-so-great about Chalmations: you’ll always know what they think and never wonder if they’re being passive aggressive.

We love our citizens of Chalmette. Many foreigners, aka people not from Nola, might be shocked by how honest they are, but I’ve found that like wine, or grape juice, Chalmations are an acquired taste that once you’ve grown to love, you’ll never want to avoid. They're typically brutally honest and super loving, hard working, tough people. 

Also, they won’t ever conspire behind your back to get you fired from a church, they’ll just say it to your face, so that’s nice.

Ok one real one

5) Have you ever wanted to be around more non-believers?

Worry no more!

Maybe you find yourself saying, “I struggle with evangelism because everyone I know and everyone I meet is a Christian.” Moving to Nola will eliminate those words from your mouth. If you live and move in the city, you’ll have no option but to meet people who don’t confess Christ.

Maybe you’re skeptical, maybe you think it will still be difficult to meet someone. Well, it won’t be. Go to Rouses (our local grocer) and just shop. More likely than not, someone will say something to you. Once that happens, you can act normal and talk to them. Ask them where they’re from, ask them what they do, ask them where they like to eat, and ask them if they’re religious. 

Steve Morgan serves as the Digital Communication and Marketing Coordinator at NOBTS.